A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.



An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.



A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.



An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday did not happen today.



A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.



An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.



A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."



A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.



A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.