A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the

Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat

when his friend asks him

"Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai

cinema hi to hai"

Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, isliye

pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko

kya pata "



**********************



Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and

he

takes along

some wine and chicken with him.

Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe

ho?"

Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin

bhook se na mar jaun"



**********************



Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he

gave the guy

sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when

the station

arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees,

the Sardarji

deserved more service.

So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off

his beard.

When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went

home.

Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed

when

he saw

the mirror.

Said his wife " What's the matter?"

Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and

woken up

someone else."



**********************



Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his

knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and

asked,

"Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for

?"



The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I

wasn't

riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been

missing too."



**********************



Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth

certificate

"Mother: Sikh.

Father: Sikh.

Kid: Chinese."

"How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?"

" Aah, I read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on

the Earth

now is a Chinese."



**********************



Two dogs, Ruby and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer

space.

The ground control issues commands

"Ruby!" "Woof!"

(It’s the barking sound)

"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!"

"Moti!"

"Woof!" "Press the white button."

"Woof! Woof!"

"Sardarji!" "Woof."

"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch

anything!"



**********************



Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a

Clock Tower when

someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The man took the thousand and disappeared.

Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was

taken

for a

ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same

street and the

same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a

fool. This

time, you

wait and I'll go get a ladder."



**********************



Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.

They managed to get into a double-decker bus.

Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,

But unfortunate Banta got

pushed to the top.



After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see

friend

Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats

in front

with both hands, scared to death.

He says, "Arre Banta Singh! What the heck's going on? Why are

you so

scared? I was enjoying my ride down there?

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a

*driver.*"



**********************



Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and

he

answered,

" I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of

picking up the

phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

"But .what happened to your other ear?"

"The scoundrel called back."



**********************



Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm.

He lands there on time.

He is immediately hauled inside in front of the

interviewing officer.



Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates

and then

starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript:

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications

& credentials I would like to ask you only some simple

questions. If you can answer those then you are

selected. First we will start with some opposites

S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above

S : Below

O : Front

S : Back

O : Left

S : Right

O : Male

S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)

S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y..... (Officer shouts)

S : P..... I..... C.... H...... H...... L.....Y...... (Our Sardar also shouts)

Officer is now angry.

O : Get out

S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.

S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.

S : I am selected

................................ And this is how Santa Singh got

his job.



**********************



A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.

After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the

basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him,

"Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"

To this the the Sardar replies,

"Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".



**********************



Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the

telephone.

"Is this one one one one one?", says the voice.

"No, this is eleven eleven."

"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"

"No, this is eleven eleven."

"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of

the

night."

"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the

telephone

anyway."



**********************



Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw

His cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it.



**********************



Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first

match on the

seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.

He tried another. It wouldn't light.

The third one finally lit.

He lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in

his vest

pocket.

"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"

"That's a good match. I'll use it again."



**************************************************************



A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway.

Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing.

The bystander: A Marathon race is going on

Sardar: What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!



**************************************************************



Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought

his

binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT

relative of

his...



**********************



One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in

Burma

bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the

prices will be

costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor

told 2000 Rs.



Sardar asked for Rs.1000.

Vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no

only

Rs.900.

Vendor told ok, I will give it for Rs. 1500 Rs. for which Sardar

bargained

for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation

said he will

give the Sardar the stereo free of cost.



"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."



**********************



A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket

number.

Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you

a million

today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19

years. "

Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it

and

I want

it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that

day

and the

rest during the next 19 years.

Sardar, furious with the man, screams out,

"Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20

million right

now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"



**********************



Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of

his

index

finger blown off.

"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.

The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your

finger?"

"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I

thought my face would look horrible,



then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to

get my

teeth straightened.

So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is

going

to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before

I

pulled the

trigger.



**********************



After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and

his

son were

returning to Punjab in Tamil Nadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle

berth and his

son the top most berth in the train.

When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back

the

son

requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice-cream to which

Santa readily

agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian

man

who

couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help.

TTE requested that he could not understand Hindi/ Punjabi so it

would be

better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in

English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is

not

giving

berth to my child."



**********************



A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird

flying

overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly

over him.

The Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly."



**********************



A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so

he picks it up and says

" Hello, how did you know I was here?"



**********************



How many Sardars does it take to pull off a

kidnapping?



Six.

One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.



**********************



Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?

Because even under torture they can't remember what they have

been

assigned

to.



**********************



Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his

checks so no one else could use them if he lost his checkbook?



**********************



Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him

all of their

burnt out light bulbs?

He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.



**********************



Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.

"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two

jackets?".

"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says

'put

on two

coats'."



**********************



A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the

middle of a

highway.

On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles;

the

following day less than a mile.

Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting

less each day,

He replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting

farther away

from the paint can."



**********************



Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

They're there for those who don't drink.



**********************