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Self-Confidence: Protecting the Ego is Damaging Your Confidence!!!!
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Self-Confidence: Protecting the Ego is Damaging Your Confidence!!!!
HI,
Self-confidence is the ability to believe in your capability to do something, or have something. It has to do with faith in performance. I read an interesting article in the New York Times, January 6, 2009 “Some Protect Their Ego By Working On Their Excuses Early” by Benedict Carey.
There were some interesting points made. In summary, the articles discussed how self-sabotage or “self-handicapping” as they called it, is the cause in creating circumstances that lead to low performance or failure. It is thought that this behavior was used to protect the self-image of the fragile ego.
Instead of proactively taking the measures to prepare for exams or a job interview, distractions and drama seems to mysteriously come out of nowhere and when the person does not achieve the goal, excuse making begins. And sometimes it can even look really legitimate.
We all have either experienced this or have seen it re-occurring in others. The article talked about a study involving students who demonstrated this excuse making behaviors in a variety of situations studied. The interesting thing to me is the study did not really give a root cause of WHY, or where this behavior originates in a person’s development.
It does mention that setting low expectations, not preparing, or allowing environmental drama to occur to promote distraction is commonly done to protect the self-image of the ego. This I would agree with. A statement that I did not agree with is how the connection to “psychological conflicts rooted in early development, in the Freudian sense” is dismissed. I contend, and I am not alone in this belief, that the childhood wounds to the ego is what gives you the low self-image to begin with in most cases!
Yes, the ego is attempting to protect the self-image, but its logic is rooted in the psychological mind of a three year old, for example! This child-like mind is still hanging out in your psych until you address it and it is very real! If at three, due to situations or circumstances you formed the idea that “something is wrong with me” or “I am not good enough”, you inadvertently set into motion an image of yourself that you feel ashamed of.
Now, remember that this is a deep-rooted, subconscious belief. It causes you to automatically respond in a protective, habitual way as it becomes wired into your brain’s long-term memory circuitry. So, now as an adult, in order to avoid stirring up this pain, you will unconsciously either avoid challenges that you are afraid you will fail at and “prove you are not good enough”, (not really the truth) in order to avoid feeling the shame you felt as a child (which is still in the mind of your ego), or you will do something that can be used as an excuse to justify your poor performance.
Now, mind you, when you expect to fail, it usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you can, or you think you can’t – you are right. If you believe in yourself, it is amazing how the extra intelligence seems to come out of nowhere and I can say this from personal experience. You see, if you keep living in denial, accepting these old ways of thinking and closing your mind to new information on how to change your self-limiting beliefs, you will resign yourself to a mediocre life.
As I have taken the time to heal these younger wounded psychological “ego parts” of my mind, it is nothing short of remarkable how much more productive, efficient and happier I have become. There are many ways to short-cut this process, such as working with a professional coach, and using effective tools and processes which allow for release and healing of these beliefs without all of the emotional drama.
Just as you go to the gym and work out with a trainer to accomplish your physical goals faster and easier, working with a professional who has experienced the process and is trained to help you, can speed up the achievement curve in building mind muscle. Increasing self-confidence is a goal that is fairly easy to achieve these days with commitment. Change your mind, and you will change your life!
Regards,
ashok...
Self-confidence is the ability to believe in your capability to do something, or have something. It has to do with faith in performance. I read an interesting article in the New York Times, January 6, 2009 “Some Protect Their Ego By Working On Their Excuses Early” by Benedict Carey.
There were some interesting points made. In summary, the articles discussed how self-sabotage or “self-handicapping” as they called it, is the cause in creating circumstances that lead to low performance or failure. It is thought that this behavior was used to protect the self-image of the fragile ego.
Instead of proactively taking the measures to prepare for exams or a job interview, distractions and drama seems to mysteriously come out of nowhere and when the person does not achieve the goal, excuse making begins. And sometimes it can even look really legitimate.
We all have either experienced this or have seen it re-occurring in others. The article talked about a study involving students who demonstrated this excuse making behaviors in a variety of situations studied. The interesting thing to me is the study did not really give a root cause of WHY, or where this behavior originates in a person’s development.
It does mention that setting low expectations, not preparing, or allowing environmental drama to occur to promote distraction is commonly done to protect the self-image of the ego. This I would agree with. A statement that I did not agree with is how the connection to “psychological conflicts rooted in early development, in the Freudian sense” is dismissed. I contend, and I am not alone in this belief, that the childhood wounds to the ego is what gives you the low self-image to begin with in most cases!
Yes, the ego is attempting to protect the self-image, but its logic is rooted in the psychological mind of a three year old, for example! This child-like mind is still hanging out in your psych until you address it and it is very real! If at three, due to situations or circumstances you formed the idea that “something is wrong with me” or “I am not good enough”, you inadvertently set into motion an image of yourself that you feel ashamed of.
Now, remember that this is a deep-rooted, subconscious belief. It causes you to automatically respond in a protective, habitual way as it becomes wired into your brain’s long-term memory circuitry. So, now as an adult, in order to avoid stirring up this pain, you will unconsciously either avoid challenges that you are afraid you will fail at and “prove you are not good enough”, (not really the truth) in order to avoid feeling the shame you felt as a child (which is still in the mind of your ego), or you will do something that can be used as an excuse to justify your poor performance.
Now, mind you, when you expect to fail, it usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you can, or you think you can’t – you are right. If you believe in yourself, it is amazing how the extra intelligence seems to come out of nowhere and I can say this from personal experience. You see, if you keep living in denial, accepting these old ways of thinking and closing your mind to new information on how to change your self-limiting beliefs, you will resign yourself to a mediocre life.
As I have taken the time to heal these younger wounded psychological “ego parts” of my mind, it is nothing short of remarkable how much more productive, efficient and happier I have become. There are many ways to short-cut this process, such as working with a professional coach, and using effective tools and processes which allow for release and healing of these beliefs without all of the emotional drama.
Just as you go to the gym and work out with a trainer to accomplish your physical goals faster and easier, working with a professional who has experienced the process and is trained to help you, can speed up the achievement curve in building mind muscle. Increasing self-confidence is a goal that is fairly easy to achieve these days with commitment. Change your mind, and you will change your life!
Regards,
ashok...
