Dear Friends,



Employee Speak Like Funny but Howz?



I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:

I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.



I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:

I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.



I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:

I've used Microsoft Office.



I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:

I pilfer office supplies.



MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:

I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.



I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:

I blame others for my mistakes.



I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:

I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.



I'M PERSONABLE:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.



I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:

As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.



I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:

I carry a Day-Timer.



MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:

You're probably looking for someone more experienced.



I AM ADAPTABLE:

I've changed jobs a lot.



I AM ON THE GO:

I'm never at my desk.



I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:

The minute I find a better job. I'm outta here.



I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:

I'm a college drop-out.



I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:

I've been accused of sexual harassment.



THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:

Wait! Don't throw me away!



I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:

Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.



Regards



Mr Dixit