A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

~ Milton Berle

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

~ James Holt McGavran

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

~ David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

~ Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

~ Hemant Joshi

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

~ Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

~ Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

~ Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

~ Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

~ Sam Kinison

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

~ Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

~ Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... She will never let you forget it again.

~ Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

~ Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

~ Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

~ Anonymous

And the Winner is

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

~ Socrates