Communication Skills Self-Assessment Exercise



In each of the following, read items A, B, and C, then mark the one that best describes your communication style.



1. ___ A. When conversing with others, I usually do most of the talking.

___ B. When conversing with others, I usually let the other person do most

of the talking.

___ C. When conversing with others, I try to equalize my participation in the

conversation.

Best answer: c. Conversations should be a balanced two-way flow of dialogue.



2. ___ A. When I first meet someone, I wait for the other person to make the

introduction first.

___ B. When I first meet someone, I introduce myself with a smile and offer a

handshake.

___ C. When I first meet someone, I hug the person.



Best answer: b. It's good to initiate the introduction and introduce yourself

with a handshake and smile. If shaking hands is difficult, a quick head nod is

a good substitute. Initiating the introduction with a smile and handshake (or

head nod) helps build rapport.



3. ___ A. I usually "warm-up" new conversations with small talk.

___ B. I usually avoid small talk and jump into more important matters.

___ C. I usually avoid starting conversations.



Best answer: a. It's good to initiate conversations with small talk. Topics to

warm-up the conversation might include a chat about the weather, news of

interest, or impressions about the current activity (if you're at a meeting,

staff party, or other gathering, for example).



Examples of conversation starters might be:



"It's sure warm today, isn't it?"

"Did you hear about the big accident on the freeway? Traffic's backed-up for

miles."

"What did you think about the Blazers game last night?"

"This is a nice party, isn't it?"

"Could I get you something to drink?"



4. ___ A. I make an effort to remember and use peoples' names.

___ B. I don't pay attention to names as I tend to forget them.

___ C. I only learn the names of important people.

Best answer: a. It's good to call people by name whenever possible. It makes

a good, lasting impression, and it makes the other person feel important and

special. To help remember names, try these techniques:

Repeat: After the person tells you his or her name, immediately use it several

times in the conversation.

"It's nice to meet you, Bob."

"I agree with you, Bob."

"That was a great joke, Bob!"

Associate: Associate the person's name to something unique and speacial twin sister; runs marathons; new to Portland.



5. ___ A. I frequently use courtesy words and phrases - "Please," "Thank you,"

"You're welcome," "I'm sorry."

___ B. I occasionally use these courtesy words and phrases.

___ C. I never use these courtesy words and phrases.



Best answer: a. Regular use of these courtesy words and phrases is important

to show politeness and build rapport.



6. ___ A. I tend to be serious and don't smile often while conversing.

___ B. I smile all the time while conversing.

___ C. I smile at appropriate times while conversing.



Best answer: c. Smiling when greeting people and at appropriate times greatly helps build rapport.



7. ___ A. I make eye contact while conversing.

___ B. I sometimes make eye contact while conversing.

___ C. I never make eye contact while conversing.



Best answer: a. Making eye contact is important for building rapport. It gives the impression you're interested and engaged in the conversation, and you

have good self-confidence.



Eye contact should include frequent breaks to avoid staring (this can make

the other person uncomfortable). Break eye contact frequently - glance down

to the side, then quickly make eye contact again. Glancing down to the side

is important. If you instead glance to the side (as if looking out the window,

for example) or look up, it gives the person the impression you're distracted

and not paying attention to what's being said. This quickly breaks down rapport.



8. ___ A. While conversing, I hold my head still at all times.

___ B. While conversing, I nod my head at appropriate times.

___ C. While conversing, I nod my head constantly.



Best answer: b. Occasionally nodding your head to indicate you agree or

understand helps build rapport. Again, it shows you are interested and engaged in the conversation.



9. ___ A. While conversing, I stand one-foot away from the person.

___ B. While conversing, I stand two- to three-feet away from the person.

___ C. While conversing, I stand five- to six-feet away from the person.



Best answer: b. Your arm's length is the appropriate distance (between

two- to three-feet). Standing closer than arm-length makes the other person

feel uncomfortable (or feel threatened). Standing a further distance away

breaks down rapport.



10. ___ A. I often stand while talking to a person who is sitting.

___ B. I often sit while talking to a person who is sitting.

___ C. I often lean down while talking to a person who is sitting.



Best answer: b. Communicating at eye level helps build rapport. So, if the

person is sitting and a chair is available, take a seat! There's one exception -

If you walk into your supervisor's office or co-worker's office, it's best to ask

the supervisor or co-worker if you can sit down first. Even better, wait for an

invitation to sit. The person may not have time to talk at that moment.



11. ___ A. To end a conversation, I often just leave.

___ B. To end a conversation, I begin to look impatient hoping the person

will get the hint.

___ C. To end a conversation, I wrap up with a closing statement.



Best answer: c. It's best to bring the conversation to an end by making a

polite closing comment or gesture. Good closing (wrap-up) comments

might be:

"I've enjoyed talking with you."

"Let me give you my business card."

"Well, I need to go speak with...."

"Do you know a person I can contact?"



12. ___ A. If a co-worker has put on weight, I say nothing about it.

___ B. If a co-worker has put on weight, I tell the person that he or she has

changed in appearance.

___ C. If a co-worker has put on weight, I honestly tell the person that he

or she looks fat.



Best answer: a. It's best to say nothing. Never say anything that might hurt or

offend the person. It's called being tactful. It's always best to give compliments

only, and only say things that will make the person feel good.

"I like your dress."

"That's a nice shirt."



13. ___ A. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often cross my arms over my chest.

___ B. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean back and turn my body

away from the speaker.

___ C. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean slightly forward and face

my body toward the speaker.



Best answer: c. Leaning slightly forward and facing the speaker shows you're

interested, and it helps build rapport. Sitting with your arms crossed over your

chest gives the message you are defensive. Leaning back with your body or

turning your body away from the speaker gives the message that you are bored,

disinterested, or feel in charge. Such body language breaks down rapport.



14. ___ A. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg facing the speaker.

___ B. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg away from the speaker.

___ C. When I cross my leg, I bob my foot.



Best answer: a. Crossing your leg toward the speaker shows you're interested,

and it builds rapport. Crossing your leg away from the speaker gives the message that you are defensive, disinterested, or feel in charge. In essence, you are putting up a subtle barrier. And if you bob or swing your foot, you're sending the message that you're anxious or nervous!



15. ___ A. While listening, I tend to be distracted by things going on around me.

___ B. While listening, I listen for meaning and ask questions.

___ C. While listening, I watch the person speak, but I don't "hear" a word.



Best answer: b. If you're a good listener, you keep mentally busy searching for

for meaning in the message, and you ask questions. This mental "search for

meaning" helps keep you focused, attentive, and engaged. If you get easily

distracted, try taking notes if the setting is appropriate. Note-taking helps draw

and focus your attention as you must mentally "search for meaning" and listen for information in order to take notes. This might be helpful in meetings, for example.

If you watch someone speak but you don't "hear" a word, gauge if you are bored, tired, might have a gap between your speaking and listening rates, or are

experiencing "emotional deafness." We all experience emotional deafness

on occasion, especially when we're feeling overwhelmed, upset, or nervous. You

hear people ask - "I'm sorry, what did you say?" or make the comment - "I have lot on my mind right now. Could you repeat what you said?" If it's a frequent problem, gauge the source and seek help if needed.



16. ___ A. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I don't

comment about it.

___ B. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to

change the subject.

___ C. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to

relate to the person's feelings and show sensitivity to his or her

misfortune.



Best answer: c. Showing empathy (sensitivity) to another person's feelings helps build rapport. It's called "reaching out to people." Empathy can be shown by making comments, such as:

"That must have been a scary (or upsetting) experience for you."

"I felt the same way when that happened to me."

"I know (understand) how you feel."

"I can imagine how you feel."

"I would feel that way too in your situation."



17. ___ A. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good)

aspects.

___ B. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad)

aspects.

___ C. When I discuss a topic, I tend to complain.



Best answer: a. Focusing on the positive (good) aspects draws people's attention

in a favorable way, and people enjoy the conversation more. People are generally

more attracted to a person who has a "positive outlook on life." And when it comes

to work evaluations, positive-minded people generally do better. Consider the

following examples:

Positive: "The plan has some good ideas."

Negative: "The plan has some serious problems."

Complaint: "No one ever listens to my ideas."





Positive: "These changes might have some benefits."

Negative: "These changes would be awful."

Complaint: "I'm always having to relearn and re-do everything around here."



18. ___ A. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I just say it.

___ B. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I lead in with a positive

comment first.

___ C. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I say nothing.





Best answer: b. It's best to say something positive first, then express a negative

opinion or comment in a tactful way. Consider these examples:

Positive lead:

"I like many aspects of your idea (positive lead), but it may not work well for this department." (tactfully stated)

Interpretation: The idea won't work.

Positive lead:

"You did a nice job setting the bread plates and glasses (positive lead), but the forks need to be placed to the left." (tactfully stated)

Interpretation: The forks are in the wrong place.

Positive lead (with empathy):

"I know you worked a long time on this (positive lead), but it would

look better retyped." (tactfully stated)

Interpretation: It needs to be retyped.



19. ___ A. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I note where I need to improve.

___ B. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I get angry and defensive.

___ C. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I deny the problem, make

excuses, or plead ignorance.





Best answer: a. When you receive feedback, it's important to know what you

do well, but it's equally important to know where improvements can be made

to increase your chances for success. Few people do everything well, and

you've undoubtedly heard the saying - "No one is perfect."



Simply make note of "weak" areas (we all have them!) and make changes needed. Receiving honest feedback is truly "a gift." It usually means someone cares and wishes

to see you succeed.



20. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on the person's

observable work or behavior and offer suggestions.

___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on what I don't like

about the person.

___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I simply tell the person what

to do right.





Best answer: a. When you give negative feedback, you should focus on and

communicate your observations of the person's work or behavior, not focus on

nor judge the person. Focus on performance, not personality (or personal traits).

After sharing your observation about the person's work or behavior, offer a

suggestion in a tactful way. Consider these examples:

Example 1:

"The forms you completed were thoroughly done (positive lead), but I

notice (observation) there are a few spelling errors (work feedback).

Perhaps they can be corrected with correction fluid (suggestion)."

Important: Notice it says - "...there are a few spelling errors" instead of - "you made a few spelling errors." Leave out you" whenever possible.

Example 2:

"Your presentation covered the main points very well (positive lead),

but I noticed (observation) contact information was left out (work

feedback). I wonder if it might be good to include a contact name

and phone number (suggestion)."

Notice it says - "...contact information was left out" instead of -

"you left out contact information." It avoids using "you."

Example 3:

"I like your ideas (positive lead), but it appears (observation) the delivery

(communication style or behavior) weakens them. Perhaps they could be

written down and handed out to everyone to review (suggestion).

Notice it says - "...the delivery weakens them" instead of -

"you weaken them." It avoids using "you."



21. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it around others so

everyone can hear.

___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it in front of the

supervisor.

___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I talk with the person alone

in a private place.



Best answer: c. It's always best to meet the person privately and away from

other people so others can't hear.



22. ___ A. When I disagree with a person, I listen first, ask questions for clarification,

then disagree non-judgmentally.

___ B. When I disagree with a person, I quickly point out the person is wrong

and why.

___ C. When I disagree with a person, I say little or nothing.



Best answer: a. It's fine to disagree, but it's important to disagree agreeably.

This means you should:

1) show respect for the other person's ideas,

2) listen attentively until the person is done,

3) ask questions if needed,

4) disagree non-judgmentally, and, if possible,

5) offer an alternative solution.

Consider these examples:

"I respect your view, John, (shows respect) but I think the problem is due to a lack of time (point of disagreement). One way to solve the problem might be to computerize repair reports (offered solution)."

"I hear what you're saying (shows respect), but it seems the staff would do

better, not worse, with flextime schedules (point of disagreement). I would suggest we try it for six months (offered solution)."



23. ___ A. When I'm in a group, I tend to frown a lot.

___ B. When I'm in a group, I tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times.

___ C. When I'm in a group I tend to be serious.

Best answer: b. At appropriate times, it's always good to smile. And when

used at appropriate times and in appropriate ways, humor is beneficial for

group dynamics. Humor helps "break the ice" when people first meet. Humor

helps relieve stress and tension. A humorous observation and comment helps

lower the heat when a heated discussion gets too "hot." And most importantly,

humor helps build team cohesiveness.



If you observe people at a gathering, you'll notice people naturally gravitate

toward people considered "approachable." Approachable people are the ones

who smile; they are the ones who add humor and lightness to

conversations; and they are the ones who make fun of themselves in a self-

deprecating and humorous way. In any group setting, smiles attract, and

humor bonds people together. Do you know a good joke?



Idea: If you're like many people who have difficulty remembering humorous

lines, puns, anecdotal stories, or jokes, consider creating a humor file. Clip

and save humorous jokes, stories, and puns from the newspaper. Write down

and save jokes and funny stories you hear. Your file will be a good resource

to draw from for upcoming social events and gatherings.